Just Make it to the Kitchen...

This past week, I've been concerned with a concept that I usually don't trouble myself with, and that is a Want. Yes, capital W Want. To explain, a "want" is just something that you would like, and would make you happier to have. But a "Want" is something deeper than that. To Want is to desire something in a way that almost makes it a need. It's a difference of passion and fervor to which you would pursue this Want. If anything were to stand between you and what you Want, then there would be hell to pay.

I know, it's still a bit of an abstract concept. Just think of it as it it were constantly bolded and italicized when it's said or thought, and you'll start to get it.

In any case, I usually try and keep myself from Wanting too often, or even at all. I don't really enjoy being subject to the whims of a powerful and sometimes irrational desire. It probably has something to do with control issues, but I digress.

In addition to the control aspect, I have concern for others when I Want something. I may be a relatively quiet person to most people, and a sensible guy to those who know me best, but I can be wickedly cruel and ruthless when crossed. If wronged, I will subtly bring down the very world around you, bit by bit, since by that point I Want to do so. That's only happened once in recent history, and to make a long story short, I crippled an on campus organization. The full damage hasn't even finished making itself known.

But to put this in a more positive light, I've been Wanting good things too. I Wanted my haircut, and that turned out fine. I also Want to see a certain person, and that's happening fairly soon. That said, Chrispy ended up just kind of diving into the line of fire in that last Want recently, and escaped with just a verbal bitchslap. Next time I'm going to strap him to a chair with his eyes held open while I stare into his soul without my glasses on. He knows what kind of discomfort that would bring.

... Now that I think about it, I think I've gathered quite a few of my friends' secret weaknesses over the past year or so. I feel like Batman with contingency plans made up for when the other superheroes go rogue.

Those were very concrete Wants, but I also have the more abstract Want of improving myself. I mean, there's always been the ambition to become better, but it's progressed to be a Want. I think it has something to do with how much more I've come to appreciate how the gathering and application of power (be it personal, organizational, economic, political, social, or whatever) makes so many things in life easier.

Tangent time. As much as I was against this as an idealized high schooler, sometimes you've got to use the power system to your advantage to get what you want (or Want). Physical power still goes a decent distance these days, especially when considering personal safety. Power in appearance, like it or not, makes a lot of things easier in life because people are much more willing to bend over backwards for the beautiful people of the world. Power in an organization, no matter how small, is invaluable in getting anything done efficiently. Economic power is great for feeling secure, or can be used as leverage if you're that sort of person. Political power isn't limited to government, but in the relationships present within any group of people working together, and having power over people is sometimes half the battle. And having social power can result from or simulate the effects of all the other kinds of power in a community.

In a nutshell, that's what I Want more of. Some are easier to obtain than others, but on the whole I feel like I've made good progress over the past year. At least this one is a constructive (yes, for the most part I would use my power for good and not evil) self improvement Want. I feel like I have to have enough of these present in my life to balance out any of those more destructive Wants.