Five Things

Filed under: by: Chris

I have a million topics running through my head right now for things I could post to this blog, but the majority of them won’t ever make the cut. Some are too short, while some are underdeveloped, and some are just too personal. I got about a paragraph in to one of those falling in the last category before I realized that it was not meant for the eyes of the public and should probably just be mentioned offhandedly to a friend. Which still leaves me with an entry I want to fill, and about four hours of time left at work to write it in. So I’ve decided to just post a collection of those fairly blah subjects and combine them into a Super Post.

1. I have been feeling the urge to create quite a lot lately. I want to cook, make art, write, build, and inform. I’ve been channeling this by cooking with friends, making postcards, updating journals, keeping my hands busy with little toys around my house, and talking with the kids I’m an Orientation Leader for. But it’s not enough, since I’ve pretty much gone into a lull from doing most of those. I want to keep doing them, but I’m not feeling the motivation to do them. I don’t know how to properly express how I can crave something and not be motivated to do it, but then you know how frustrating it is to feel something that doesn’t have a word. And no, it’s not lazy.

2. Speaking of writing, I used to think of myself as a decent fiction writer, for not being an English major. That, however, was way back in high school, and nothing really survived from that time. I guess people can still see it in the way I talk in person, but otherwise even my most recent attempt at fiction was just sort of a fizzle. I’ve got the world, characters, and background all played out in my head, just not the story.

In realizing that, I came to another conclusion. I’m a non fiction writer and I didn’t even realize it. I’ve been blogging and journaling for years, and I’ve probably written volumes online already about things and my opinion on them. My writing has a style (I’m not sure of what sort, but whatever it is seems distinctive enough) that obviously some people appreciate enough to read regularly. Oh, and I almost forgot my real work. I write legitimate news stories for my agency’s quarterly publication, and even won an award for my one of my feature articles, placing it over quite a few professional writers with journalism training. So yeah, I’m a non fiction writer, and I’ve come to terms with it.

3. I’m getting incredibly sick of people, yet I really need to be in social settings with people to keep me from feeling blah. This hasn’t broken my mind yet because I know that I only want to be around people I like, and pretty much need to do it regularly to keep me from becoming a completely unmotivated hermit. I’m just sick of most of the human race. I’ve been exposed to concentrated amounts of stupid since I’ve been back out in the real world for a couple months, and I want to go back to being surrounded by my peers in an environment with a relatively stable amount of sense. Or at least the kind of sense that we like.

4. I want another vacation. I’m not saying that the one with my mom didn’t count, because that was great, but I need to travel with friends again. I get so much more out of a place, and I feel like I need to explore something. Generally I can settle for having an adventure around town, or just going out and calling it an adventure, but now I need more. I think traveling with parents and such still feels too “safe,” and I need the danger of only having myself and my friends to rely on to get anything done.

5. I’m at the point of Wanting something again. This space has been left intentionally vague.

6. I’m not so sure about going to grad school right away anymore. It would be more beneficial for me to get lots of training certificates than to get my MBA. Plus, with my grades, I’m not entirely sure what grad school would find me appealing without a few years working experience to help cover that up a bit. This decision has been weighing heavily on me, and I really don’t like it when I have several viable options that could take me in radically different directions in life. I don’t want to guess what’s behind door number two, I don’t want to make a deal, and I don’t want to go double or nothing.

1 comments:

On July 27, 2009 at 5:05 PM , A said...

I agree with you completely on points 6,4,1,2,and 3.

It's sort of like I have a itch I juuuuuust can't reach, but in my head.

Let's go have an adventure... no, a quest, so we can both track down what we Want.